in my family, we have a tradition of watching national lampoon’s christmas vacation every weekend from thanksgiving until christmas. then it goes away for the next year, only to resurface at the following thanksgiving. most of us can quote the majority of the movie. it might be a sickness.
anyway, want to live in christmas vacation like the rest of my family? here’s how:
1. a christmas tree. a full one that is far too big for the room. (full of sap, of course!)
2. a hat with ear warmers when you have to leave your trailer to go to the bathroom ’cause the shitter’s full.
3. jelly of the month club (no pool for you!)
4. a santa hat. essential when the squirrel jumps out of the tree at your face, runs through the house, prompting your brother’s (or your brother-in-law’s) dog to run through the house and destroy everything.
5. lights. to cover your whole house. oh, and be sure to knock out the neighborhood electricity while you’re at it AND steal the electricity from your next door neighbor.
6. a moose mug. for egg nog. duh.
7. a tree scented candle. just in case the sap from your over full tree (see #1) isn’t filling your home with christmasy goodness.
8. oh and some rope for when your brother kidnaps your boss (because he gave you the jelly of the month club and not cash for a pool)